The Day My Mother Was Attacked by a Crocodile

I remember that day very clearly. It has been burned into my memory forever. As I look back, I'm not sure how she survived. I remember watching as my mother - my very own beloved mother - was nearly taken from me by a supposedly 'friendly' ghost.

It was around mid afternoon and my mother and I were in the living room watching TV. The Crocodile Hunter was on, and they were trying to transport a white crocodile to the Australian Zoo. I was laying on the couch next to the window and my mother was at the computer desk next to the entertainment center, and both of us had our eyes glued to the television. My cats wondered aimlessly about the house, and my neurotic black and white dog was hidden up under the computer desk. (This was before we had fart blossom dog.)

The Crocodile Hunter had caught himself another crock - but it was no ordinary crock. This here was a white crocodile. The thing was lashing about and biting people as best it could. And why shouldn't it? Some one bursts into your house and says "Whokay time ta move ya!" and a whole bunch of burly sweaty men come in, sit on you and tie you up? I'd be cranky too. It's kind of like how people think sharks are the bad guys. I'm sorry but if a hairy man in a speedo came into my house and started playing around, I'd attack him too.

Anywho, so as they were transporting the crocodile to the Australian Zoo, you could hear Steve Erwin's voice commenting on the whole ordeal.

"We named this feller 'ere Caspur, cause 'e's a whi' crocadel. An' 'e's the furst won the Australian Zoo 'as eva' 'ad! Though I'm not quite sure 'ow friendly 'e is - CRICKEY!!! 'e almost got me that time!"

As Caspur - er Casper - lunged around trying to bite all those around him, my mother and I stared transfixed at the screen. We watched as the men bravely risked their lives to save this poor defenseless animal. (Well, you know, defenseless besides the giant razor sharp teeth and whip like tail and massive size. Other than that he's totally defenseless... Armor like skin and really cranky mood excluded.) One slip and the crock could kill them for sure. Watching every move the crocodile made, we held our breath in anticipation, but neither of us could have seen the real danger that loomed ever closer in its conquest of death.





The something went horribly horribly wrong. Many things happened at once though. First, as Steve Erwin was narrating, his camera man, Wes, was getting a little to close the the danger.

"Oh! You betta' woch it Wes! That crock is out for ya-!" BAM!

The crocodile lunged for the camera just as something grabbed my foot.

The mind is a weird thing. Especially an ADD mind. It's not that we can't focus on one thing at a time, it's that our brain thinks a lot faster than most people and we can think of lots of things in the same span of time that normal people can only think of one thing. The first thing that popped into my head was the story my friend told me one time about a book she had read. In this book a man was forced to stay in a place that he described as a place where you would expect room service to be brought to you by six foot tall cockroaches.

This thought reminded me of the time I was sitting in my room at my desk doing homework, and I felt something tickle my foot. I wiggled my toes trying to get away from what was tickling me, but no matter where I placed my foot, I could still feel the tickling sensation. So finally, irritated, I looked under my desk to see what was tickling my barefoot, and there, crawling across my toes, was an enormous roach. Needless to say I was less than calm about it. My poor desk never recovered. I think they found the leg of it somewhere out in the back yard, but it was so deformed, they couldn't give a positive identification to it.

All this passed through my mind in a matter of milliseconds and that, paired with the knowledge that something had just grabbed my foot and the snarling of Casper the not-so-friendly-white-crocodile, made me realize that a giant, six foot tall cockroach had some how snuck into my house, grabbed my foot, and was preparing to kill us all and eat us. I knew that if we were to survive this ambush, I must warn my mother immediately for neither of us were fond of cockroaches, and she, especially, was terrified of them.

So I warned her the best way I knew how to. I declared there was a roach in the room very loudly, although I'm not entirely sure I got the entire statement out of my mouth.

Let's just face it... I panicked.

When I screamed "RAAAAHHHH!!!!!" in fear of being devoured by giant man eating cockroaches, the white crocodile on the television lunged for and bit the camera at precisely the same time. My mother, who had been just as absorbed in the program as I had been was caught in between two things of horror: The Casper the white and highly unfriendly crocodile, and a giant six foot tall cockroach that was trying to eat her child.

How did my mother react? Did she scream? Did she run away?

Nope.

She jumped up, fell back down into the chair, jumped up again whilst trying to lift her feet up so that the crocodile couldn't get her, and only managed to lift her feet above the computer monitor before dancing in her chair like a legless person trying to stomp on a herd of mice.

Apparently though, the combined tactics of mine and my mother's worked for the not only did it make Casper lurch back unexpectedly, it made the roach think that its dinner had some kind of mad cow disease. I mean really, would YOU want to eat something that all of a sudden started raving like a lunatic?

My cat, who had some how miraculously survived not being eaten by a six foot tall cockroach, scampered away in five different directions at once from all the commotion, and my dog, who had began barking wildly in all the confusion continued to tell any monsters or six foot tall cockroach armies that they were not welcome to terrorize his humans.

After apologizing to my mother profusely, the men on the television recaptured Casper (thanks to her ingenious distraction) and carried him off to be taken to the zoo. It was only once the crocodile was safely taken away that my mother dared to return her feet to the floor ever so cautiously.

Though she never screamed, my mother, she and I both knew this was a day that would burn in our memories forever. For we would never forget the day that we barely escaped the clutches of a six foot tall cockroach and Casper, the unfriendly white crocodile that lives in the TV.